Supreme Overlord of Flesh Visits Sick Children
GRAGNAR THE BLOODENER, Violator of Dreams, Midgets, and Everything in Between, visited Bloodpus-inflicted children today at Our Lady of Mercy Kill Hospital in a heartwarming moment of concern for our tiniest residents.
There were no survivors.
Clean up crews began clearing the rubble after 40 Tons of Mobile Viscera finished absorbing the Children’s Wing shortly after 3 P.M. today. Crew Chief Reck Drunnum stated that Bloodpus Quarantine will not be required as GRAGNAR had cleansed all organic material from the premises “like a barbed duck penis scouring rival semen from the labyrinthian maze of a hen’s crotch”.
Scoured or not, you’ll still want to give that cloaca a good rinse.
Goblin Analysts Announce Quarterly Earnings Up 13% at Shit Pit
Goblin Analysts from Doody Group Inc. announced that fourth quarter earnings at the Shit Pit will exceed 13%. This is 4% over predicted modelling.
DCI spokespersons credit the implantation of Taco Tuesday and improved drainage from the Prisoner storage areas to Shit Pit reservoirs for the unexpected growth.
“I’ll be gobblin’ those tacos like a motherfucker.”
Local Worker’s Party Merges with Like Minded Union
The Crusty Bottom Communist Party (CSCP) has released a statement stating their intent to combine resources with the Mindflayer Collective effective immediately. CSCP has been a local leader in fighting for minion’s rights since before GRAGNAR digested the late Dark Baron, the previous Overlord of Crusty Bottom.
The local Party Boss, Drag Sneedly, had this to say:
“We are all equally expendable tools to be used and discarded for the great glory of the Brain. The tentacles of the Proletariat will rise up to devour the savory Bourgeoisie.”
Witnesses report last seeing the CBCP silently marching, glassy-eyed and doused in Hickory Smoked Seasoning, to attend a rally in the Brain Chamber.
“If we stay together, we flay together!”
Famous Orcish Writer/Director Returns to Pink Sock Theatre
Davey Brownnote, made famous for his work on “The Emperor’s New Testicle Collection” and “Full Cavity Search: The Musical”, is debuting a new production at the Sock next week. Brownnote spoke with Tribune Reporters this morning:
“I’ve really wanted to get back to my roots for a while now. It was fun working on serious drama but coming home to the Pink Sock gives me a chance to show my hometown how I’ve grown”
Indeed, the young orc had put on over 300 lbs since being driven out of his cave and forced into exile. At time of publication, Davey had wreaked bloody revenge on the clan that banished him and hung the gonads of former Clan Chief, Grum Grissom, from his belt.
“Is it weird that they’re hanging so close to my own?”
Tickets are now sale for 2-a-day viewings of “MOMMA MERILITH!” from 16 Sackdrop until 1 Liverburst. Children under 12 eaten for free.
Local Businessorc Runs for Level 3-5 Alderbeast Seat
Herg Jerkin, prominent local entrepreneur, is running for the recently opened seat of Alderbeast for Level 3-5 in a Special Election. Harvey Dribble, who previously held the position, tendered his resignation early last week by delivering his still-beating heart into the closed fist of Grithrum McGilicutty, local minotaur-about-town and heir to the McGilicutty Abattoir fortune.
Dribble, the only Gnoll to have served in Crusty Bottom public service, is survived by no one - As Grithrum knows no mercy and adorns his lair with the skulls of his enemies.
Mr. Jerkin is running on a platform of closed borders and open torsos. His has broad appeal among no collar workers and business owners. Jerkin is strongly favored against his opponent, a gelatinous cube found eating the residue from the Shit Pits running on the promise to balance pH levels in the local water supply.
“The morning after Taco Tuesday is the best.”
