Random Bullcrap GO! A Thief Rogue Build for 5e
You might notice that I don’t tend to make builds that lack a large pool of magic and spells. There’s a good reason for this, spells are busted and characters with them are generally much better than those without. The sheer versatility provided by the huge spell lists of all classes that get magic are a big reason why those classes are seen as so powerful.
Wizards aren’t considered the strongest class in the game because of their class and subclass abilities (though there are some bangers in there), they are picked highly because of their spell list. Martial characters simply cannot compete with the level of utility, control, and support that spells provide, or can they? What if we made a character that attempted to mimic that level of versatility, while only using the smallest amount of magic possible? The Thief Rogue is a fairly unassuming subclass on first read, but contains one interesting line of text in their Fast Hands feature gained at level 3: the ability to take the Use an Object action as a bonus action. So what the heck is the Use an Object action? Well, it’s a pathway to many abilities some consider to be… unnatural.
Race: Custom Origin
We choose Custom Origin because it’s the only way to start the game with an 18 in your main stat, accomplished by giving that stat +2 from this race and also taking a feat that grants a +1 to the same stat. I also wanted this over Variant Human because I feel like darkvision is important for a Rogue, and Custom Origin can grant that.
Feat: Skill Expert
Skill Expert grants us a +1 to Dexterity, allowing us to start the game with an 18. We get one normal skill proficiency, along with upgrading a proficiency to expertise. I’m not usually high on this feat, but it fits with the utility build we are going for while also increasing our Dexterity, and our options for feats that do both of those things are quite limited. I’ll grab proficiency in Nature (trust me) and expertise in Perception.
Starting Stats:
9/18/14/13/13/8 (+2 and +1 to Dexterity from race and feat)
9 in strength because we had a point left over from point buy, 18 Dexterity for obvious reasons, 14 Constitution for more HP, 13 Intelligence for a multiclass, 13 Wisdom for skills and saves, and dump Charisma.
Starting Skills:
We will grab Alchemist Tools and Poisoner’s Kit proficiencies from our background, and Acrobatics, Sleight of Hand, Perception (had to grab this so it could be boosted to expertise by Skill Expert), and Stealth. For our two Expertises, we’ll select Thief’s Tools and Stealth.
Starting Equipment:
I don’t usually make much mention of your equipment, but this character is a big exception to that rule. Take the gold buy option rather than the standard starting equipment and pick up studded leather armor, a set of thief’s tools, and a light crossbow with enough bolts. Gold is important for this character, so try to be thrifty.
Level 1-2: Rogue 2
The first two levels are fairly straightforward, you’re a Rogue and you do your Rogue thing. This character will aim to be at range, but if an enemy happens to drop a finesse melee weapon, pick it up and keep it incase you get stuck in melee, but I wouldn’t waste gold buying one besides a simple dagger. You’ve got a goal for these first two levels: make bank. Take every opportunity you can to line your pockets. Steal, pickpocket, blackmail, whatever it takes. This is the reason we grabbed Sleight of Hand proficiency. That being said, do not steal from your party, ever. Do not be that guy. It doesn’t matter how optimized your character is if you’ve got no one to play with.
Level 3-4: Thief Rogue 4
Alright, let’s break down Fast Hands, because that’s what we’re here for. Buckle up, this is a doozy. We can use a bonus action to make Sleight of Hand checks, Thief’s Tools checks (nice, but mostly useless outside of combat) and most importantly, the Use an Object action. So what is the Use an Object action?
From the PHB: Use an Object
You normally interact with an object while doing something else, such as when you draw a sword as part of an attack. When an object requires your action for its use, you take the Use an Object action. This action is also useful when you want to interact with more than one object on your turn.
So every character gets one object interaction for free each turn. This can be drawing a weapon, opening a door, things that require basically no effort and anyone could do without even thinking. If you want to do something like draw your sword and open a door, well you can’t do that unless you use an action for the second one. This is the lesser of the two ways to use Fast Hands, but it could come up occasionally.
The real meat is when an object itself require our action to use. Notably, all magic items that require an action to use need the Use Magic Item action, and we can’t use that as a bonus action. This limits us to mundane items, but trust me, there is plenty of power in the mundane. We will be looking for items that call for our action to use, like poisons and acid vials. We grab a very important feat at level 4 which enables us to make full use of this feature.
Feat: Tavern Brawler
We’re here for proficiency with Improvised Weapons, an ability that you really can’t find anywhere else. We will grab a +1 to Strength because there are a few reasons why a Rogue would want a decent strength. Let’s take a look at some of the improvised weapons we can now make full use of.
Best Mundane Items to use with Fast Hands:
Acid Vials and Alchemist Fire: Both of these are used as ranged attacks, meaning they use our Dexterity, and we get to add our Dexterity to the damage when we hit with them. That means acid vials are dealing 2d6+4 damage, and Alchemist Fire…. Ok I actually don’t know exactly how our dex mod interacts with the continual damage of Alchemist Fire. Does it apply only when we initially hit? Does it apply every turn? I have no clue so talk to your DM about that one, or just stick to Acid Vials as they will deal more damage on average.
Poisons: Okay so there are a ton of poisons in this game and I cannot possibly cover them all here, so let’s hit the highlights. There are a number of damaging poisons that can be harvested from monsters with a Nature check and a poisoner’s kit. This is why we grabbed Nature proficiency. Having proficiency in both nature and poisoner’s kit grants advantage on the check to harvest poison, so that’s why we grabbed both. The king of monster poison is Purple Worm Poison, dealing a massive 12d6 damage on a DC 19 Con save, half on a save. Even if you don’t have that, any poison can be applied to your crossbow bolt and then fired for extra damage. Not all poisons are used this way though, some like Essence of Ether are a gas that can be contained in a bottle and thrown, effecting the creature in the 5ft space you threw it into. Notably, these poisons don’t require an attack roll, just a failed save. Essence of Ether is particularly nasty, knocking the target unconscious if they fail a DC 15 Con save. There are plenty of amazing poisons that can apply to a variety of situations. Need to covertly kill a rich noble? Slip some Midnight Tears into his drink, and he’ll be dead by morning. Need to knock opponents out but not kill them? Drow poison is great for that. Want a Zone of Truth effect for an interrogation? There’s literal Truth Serum in this game and no one uses it! Take advantage of this stuff, it’s awesome!
Ball Bearings and Caltrops: Both of these can be spread on the floor to control a small area. Ball bearings cover a 10ft square and force a DC 10 dex save to those who cross them without slowing down, knocking them prone if they fail. That’s a low DC, but it could be very effective against low dexterity enemies. Caltrops only cover 5ft of space, but force a DC 15 dex save to avoid taking 1 damage and being forced to stop in place, potentially wasting an enemy’s entire turn. They also have their speed reduced by 10ft until they are healed, which probably means a permanent speed penalty to the majority of monsters. Put either of these at a choke point and play the Benny Hill theme as your enemies fall all over themselves.
Healer’s Kit: We’ll come back to this one later.
Holy Water: If you’ve got a Cleric in the party, they can make this during downtime with the Ceremony spell. For fiends and undead, this is the same as an acid vial, and it’s cheaper to make.
Hunting Trap: Similar to the Ball Bearings, place this in a doorway and really make one enemy hate their life if they fail the DC 13 dex save.
Oil Flask: This can be thrown on an enemy to cover them in flammable oil, causing them to take an extra 5 fire damage whenever they take fire damage. We don’t really have a good way to deal fire damage ourselves, but our friends might. If you’ve got a Scorching Ray spamming Sorcerer in your party, this can potentially add a ton of damage.
Wukka Nut: This is from a specific campaign book, but there’s no reason it can’t exist in your campaign. This emits magical light when used, which isn’t very special except for the fact that it can illuminate areas effected by the Darkness spell. Keep one of two on hand for that circumstance.
Mirror: This can be used to reverse the stony gaze of a basilisk or medusa, along with allowing you to safely look around corners.
Portable Ram: This gives +4 to checks to break down doors, and if you really need to do that during a combat, you probably REALLY need to do that.
Flour: Toss it on an invisible creature, and now they aren’t invisible anymore! (Sorta, the invisibility rules are stupid.) Alternatively, it’s is extremely flammable, even explosive, so do with that what you will.
Drugs: Okay so there is a surprisingly high amount of drugs in this game with wild and varied effects, some good and some bad. We’ve got things like Willowshade Oil to reverse petrification, Menga Leaves mimic potions of healing but can only be used when an ally is at 0hp, but work with Fast Hands whereas potions do not, Black Sap gives immunity to charm and frighten effects, there’s so much amazing stuff here that I think there’s actually a good reason to do drugs in DnD. Notably, the vast majority of these force a constitution save when you take them or you become poisoned, which we obviously don’t want. To mitigate this, Wildroot can remove the poisoned condition, and both Theki Root and Sinda Berries can grant advantage on saves against poison. Other drugs will automatically impose the poisoned condition, so stay away from those. Definitely research this out, there’s some extremely powerful effects here.
Explosives: Bombs, Sticks of Dynamite, Catapult Munitions, and anything else that goes BOOM are all fantastic options to use as our bonus action. Catapult Munitions are the strongest printed explosives in the game, so go for those of you have the choice.
Tangler Grenade: I saved the best for last. Do you want to be able to cast the Web spell, but with no concentration, and the only downside is that it’s a slightly smaller area? Of course you do! These things are awesome, giving you a control ability equivalent to that of casters, and it’s a great thing to stack on top of AoE spells like Sickening Radiance.
To summarize, you can have a massive utility belt of amazing mundane items, each tuned to specific circumstances and encounters, making you feel like you’re prepared for anything! But now the question I know you’re asking, how the heck do we get all this stuff? Well, alchemical items like acid vials can be crafted with our alchemist supplies, poisons can be harvested, and many of these items can be bought for very cheap. Some of these items are indeed rare, and only available if you really go searching for them. Thankfully, a bit of magic is all we need to fix that.
Level 5-8: Thief Rogue 4, Conjuration Wizard 4
Minor Conjuration is one of the strongest low level features in this game, but the majority of players don’t know how to make the most of it. After the massive list of mundane items I just gave you, you are no longer one of those players. Most of what I listed can be conjured by this ability, though with some limitations. We can only make one item at a time with this, and if it deals damage, it disappears.
This means we can make full use of an Acid Vial or Catapult Munition, but the continuous damage of an Alchemist Fire would not work. Drugs and poisons totally work, as they impose their effect when introduced to the creature, and do not explicitly need to stick around to impose their lasting conditions. This means you can conjure up a litany of drugs to take at the start of the day to get a ton of benefits for your whole party like damage resistances, condition immunities, and more.
Since we can only have one item at a time, you can’t use this as effectively in combat as it eats our actions, but if you desperately need one specific item, this is a quick and easy way to get it right now. Using this to conjure and throw a Tangler Grenade all in one round is incredibly strong, same for things like catapult munitions or purple worm poison if you need big damage right now. Just make sure you have a container like a bottle on hand to conjure liquids like poisons into and you’re good to go.
Also, I know there is some debate as to what counts as one individual item, and I have a very simple solution: if the boom describes it as one item, it’s one item. An acid vial consists of the acid and the vial, but the PHB calls it an individual item, and therefore I believe you can conjure the acid vial as one item. If your DM disagrees, point out that everything is made of trillions of atoms, so what really counts as one on object?
Spells in our spellbook:
Cantrips: Minor Illusion, Message, Blade Ward, Mage Hand
1st Level: Shield, Absorb Elements, Silvery Barbs, Unseen Servant, Detect Magic, Find Familiar, Silent Image, Longstrider/Jump
2nd Level: Invisibility, Vortex Warp, Spider Climb, Mirror Image
We take spells that give us the utility that we can’t find from mundane means. Shield, Absorb Elements, and Silvery Barbs give us reaction options that are all great in different circumstances. Unseen Servant and Find Familiar are rituals that give us friends who can also make use of our toolbox of items. Detect Magic can be swapped out if someone else in your party has it, probably for Feather Fall. Silent Image has many potential uses both in and out of combat. Longstrider and Jump both provide movement options that we might want, so pick whichever you think will benefit you most.
For second level, Invisibility is an obvious choice. Vortex Warp gives us a way to reposition both friends and foes, Spider Climb gives us both mobility and safety from melee attacks on some battlefields, and Mirror Image is a nice defensive buff if we can set it up before combat breaks out. These spells are flexible and not necessary for the build, so feel free to swap them out as you wish.
Feat: Healer
Do you want to feel like a battlefield medic? Because Healer is how you make that fantasy feel both right and powerful. Thanks to Fast Hands, we can use our Healer’s Kit to heal people with our bonus action in the middle of combat, which is best used to bring people up from 0hp. This is literally a better version of Healing Word, as it heals more and can be used a ton of times, just not multiple times on the same character in the same day. Alternatively, you can opt to just give them one HP assuming you can pass a DC 10 Medicine check, and that can be don’t as many times as you want.
Further Levels:
In essence, the build is complete at this point. We’ve got our core strategy nailed down: use mundane items in conjunction with a bit of magic to provide a ton of utility both in and out of combat, attempting to mirror and even eclipse that of a spellcaster in some cases. Where you go from here is extremely flexible.
More Rogue levels gives more Sneak Attack, Evasion, and Reliable Talent. More Wizard levels gives more spells, along with a nearly at-will teleport from our subclass. Alternatively, you could dip into Knowledge Cleric for more expertise and the ability to get proficiency in anything for 10 minutes with the channel divinity. There’s an argument to go Fighter, as Action Surge tossing three Catapult Munitions in one round would be a nova blast that not many characters could match. There are also plenty of cool Fighter subclass abilities that could help a lot. Artificer could be fun if you want more tool proficiencies, the Infiltrator Armorer especially sounds like a great addition to the build.
Whatever route you pick, here are some simple recommendations. Pick up Resilient Wisdom at your next opportunity, as getting mind controlled while you’re loaded with bombs sounds like a bad time. Also, be aware that this strategy may not scale amazingly into the highest tier of play. The DC of our items are set and frequently not very high, though combining it with our Rogue Sneak attack or picking up levels in another class for Extra Attack and grabbing Sharpshooter will definitely help keep our damage high.
Ranger is a great options if you want more expertise in skills, and Gloom Stalker would definitely play well with this build. Just keep in mind that this is a character that requires quite a lot of bookkeeping, but I believe it will be worth it, as you’ll be hard pressed to find any other way to play a character like this. This is an amazing character for big brain players who want to feel like they are outsmarting the entire table, always prepared for any circumstance and ready for whatever life throws at them.
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